Bare Essentials of Insomnia

When I was in high school, the quintessential hood rat phone was the T-Mobile Sidekick. I was miles behind the pack and had a Motorola V3 RZR. Though I did eventually get a then coveted Sidekick, I'm not so sure that my transition to a smart phone was a healthy one. I invested in a Sidekick 3 because my Razor had been shot to shit by my excessive use. Even though, I mainly used it to argue with my then boyfriend. The back light died, then the speaker went and one night in my dorm room, I decided I needed a newer, more durable phone. We all know that cell phone companies are a racket and of course I was ineligible for an upgrade on a bogus technicality. So I took to ebay.com to find a Sidekick and when it arrived, I was very excited in a very dorky way.

My 'Kick had me addicted with the first IM. I could be reached at anytime and it was all in the palm of my hand. I liked the Sidekick because it was quite exclusive to my campus. I was one of three people who had it. With this phone, I became a texting whiz. I PBd at 160 characters in under a minute. Ringtones?!?!? Bitch please! I had a different ringtone for every person in my contacts. This was all well and good...in Springfield. I often forget that I come from an urban area where hood shit is prevalent. I came home to find that EVERYONE had the exact same phone. But I had tasted the nectar from the Smartphone tree, and there was no turning back. I dabbled in phones including a later model of the Sidekick, and when I changed to Sprint, a diet Sidekick which was more like a nemesis. I eventually settled down with my Blackberry and it is the third hemisphere of my brain. I CANNOT survive without it.

It allows me to do absolutely heinous things like draft a blog entry at 4:14 AM, eastern standard time, all for my 1 reader. This phone keeps me connected to all sorts of useless shit: Facebook, Twitter, Blackberry Messenger, AIM, Yahoo Messenger, and my necessary, yet useless email. Rarely do I use it to make phone calls, which is a sign that the tech world needs to get back to basics.

That was a completely useless and irrelevant back story about trying not to look like a sketch ball by typing away on my phone under the covers to tell a story. But I wanted my reader to know how much she has me committed to keeping our bi-coastal creeping aflame. What I really wanted to talk about was infomercials. While I'm stuck battling a slight bout of insomnia, I've been watching some infomercials. The people behind these things are brilliant.

Late at night, or in the wee hours of the morning, most of the world is fast asleep. So why advertise when theoretically every one is supposed to be in dreamland? Because these products cater to the poor sleepless souls of America. Four times this week I came thisclose to ordering some makeup to cover my unsightly under eye circles. Ironically, I wouldn't see this commercial or need this product if I wasn't up at this forsaken hour.