I realized that my Super Bowl 44 post was kind of weak, so I'm going to give some extra effort today. Especially since I found out that I now have a grand total of TWO readers! That's right, count 'em, one AND two. It's really hard being as perfect as me, and I completely understand if you couldn't make it through that last statement without laughing.
For my last ever attempt at anything Super Bowl 44 related, Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush are not going to get married just yet. I mean a marriage should not be based on a football game; that's too risky. It should be based on the love you have for one another. And yes I did learn that point from eHarmony. Kim is also a good six years older than Reggie. She was also married once before. Remember that? When she was 19 (ten years ago mind you) and she eloped. Or the fact that no self respecting man, would want Ray-J's sloppy seconds. I mean she is a pretty face, and if I had the Crayola people to make up my face everyday, I imagine I could stop traffic too. If you watch the show, you know that the whole Klan of Kardasian Krazies is out of control. Can we even be sure they were football fans before Kim and Reggie were dating? That would me that they would have to admit to like Ray J's music, and that's just preposterous. If they do get married, it's a publicity stunt, or she's pregnant. If she was really scheming, she should know that between now and next month would be the time to trap him. I was talking to a friend of mine and we came to the conclusion that Kim Kardashian is NOT as rich as she says she is. She drives her own Bentley, but rich people have drivers. Hey, we can't all be P. Diddy.
Before we get started, I have a new prop to make me seem cooler, as it improves my already awesome party trick of opening beer bottles with my teeth. Now don't go telling people that I shop at Hot Topic. I feel like my fiscally responsible, totally happy, 21 year old self is cheating on life with my emo, teenage angsty self. These are some really dope platform stilettos that will eventually break my ankle when my friend Tequila fails me yet again. But they have bottle openers in the heels. If it were anyway at all to out fantastic anything fantastic, this would be it.
Blanyway, I am a huge movie fan, mainly because movies are exponentially more entertaining than anything that will ever happen to me. There are so many good movies that are coming out this year, Iron Man 2, Shrek: The Final Chapter and Avatar: The Last Airbender are some of my must sees. However, my most obvious choice would be Percy Jackson and The Olympians: The Lightening Thief, in theaters this Friday. I will be seeing this movie for my Valentines Day date. Don't be silly, we all know I'm going with my single self. When I took my cousin/child Brittany to see New Moon (again), we saw a coming attraction for Percy Jackson, we squealed like 14 year olds. The main problem being that she really is 14 and I am not. Thankfully we were savvy enough to go to Barnes and Nobles expressly after the movie to buy the entire series of books. This is a series of books based on Greek mythology, and seeing as I was a Classics scholar in high school, I eat this shit up like it is candy. Nectar of the gods if you will. I am currently trying to muster up enough energy to finish book 4. It's not that I don't want to read it, I just don't have the time to sit down and read with my crazy television and Netflix schedules. I am actually quite scared to see it, because I get quite upset when when movies aren't true to the book. Even though this worked out quite well for Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs.
Mondays are especially intense for television schedule. I have to watch RuPaul's Drag Race, and Untucked mainly because my veins will be itching uncontrollably if I do not. But for those of you who have any free time on Mondays between 8 and 9 pm, let me hook you up to this little gem called: The Secret Life of the American Teenager. This show is about sex. Who is doing it, who isn't doing it, who should and shouldn't be doing it and of course the MANY different combinations and styles of doing it. This show is completely JUICY. The producers of TSLOTAT have proven that there is no shortage of drama in high school. I had NO idea there was that much sex around me when I was high school. High school sex was Angelo after football practice, and that was good enough. Molly Ringwald is in it, and so is that girl that played Bernie Mac's niece, Vanessa. If you want to catch up, there is a marathon on Monday, February 15 at 2pm. Seven full hours, and I am parking my tuchus in front of the television for all of them. Bottom line, the show is good, and have I ever steered you wrong?
Now for our grand finale, a recap of RuPaul's Drag Race. When we last left our heroines, they were asked to create outfits based on the Scarlett O'Hara idea of making an outfit out of curtains and used home furnishings. Morgan McMichaels won, because her look was very Cher Geefani, a mix of Cher and Fergie and Gwen Stefani. Mystique used her one and only party trick, a big girl split, to save her soul, and Shangela was sent home. The mini challenge this week was to transform a RuPaul doll into a whore. If anyone knows where to find one of these dolls, and is feeling generous, please feel free to buy me one. I promise you my second born child and my spare kidney. This mini challenge determined the team captains for the main challenge. And that challenge was burlesque dancing, The teams had a choreographed dance and solo dances. My least favorite person of the episode was Tyra , and I hoped that she was the one to go home this week, but despite her serving fish and bitch, she was safe. The bottom two were Raven, who will "take your man" and Nicole Page Brooks, a southern saloon madame. They lip synced to En Vogue's Never Gonna Get It. Raven rocked it, especially when she sanctioned all the other queens to sing back up during the breakdown. We all no that in my Valhalla, there will be drag queens doing 90s style breakdowns.
Seeing as I am in desperate need of getting my hair done, my journey to becoming a Gay Icon is a dream detoured.
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