Dix Du Jour:Embarrassing Things I Fell Victim To Over The Past Decade

10. B2K
9. MySpace
8. The XFL {My favorite player was He Hate Me}
7. Hair gel
6. Eric
5. Hot 97 Mixtapes
4. Polo cable knit sweaters
3. Enjoying myself at Webster Hall
2. Internet trends.

Books That Changed My Life

egotrip's Big Book of Racism

This is just a well written book of stereotype's that we've been taught are unacceptable to laugh at, outside of the comfort of our own homes.  Definitely an information packed, page turner that will constantly have you saying, 

....and not caring.

Dix Du Jour:Movie With Scenes That Make Me Cry

1. The Little Princess - Sarah is looking to her father to save her and he doesn't remember her because he got a spritz of napalm to his face.
2. My Girl - "Where's he glasses? He can't see without his glasses!!" Enough. Said.
3. Artificial Intelligence - Monica tries to leave David in the woods after whispering the magic phrase. What a bitch.
4. Titanic - Jack and Rose are in steerage and water is about to sweep a child away.
5. The Other Sister - Carla is making her wedding invitations and her whole wedding make me cry happy tears.
6. Charlotte's Web - Whoever thought Charlotte's death should be a scene in this movie has some serious issues. What ten year old is stable enough for that? Hell, I'm 22 and I'm barely able to get through it.
7. My Sister's Keeper - After Kate's first round of chemo until the end of the movie, I was in hysterics. I was also angry with the ending but you probably already read that.
8. Hachi:A Dog's Tale - I can't give the scene without spoiling the whole movie
9. Ladder 49 -Before he went crazy, Joaquin Phoenix dying in a fire made me cry. It also made me not want to date a firefighter or a policeman, ever.
10. Pearl Harbor - Obviously, when Danny dies.

Monday's Gems

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Thanks Danielle For Lighting a Fire Under My Ass!

All too recently did I receive a wall post on Facebook saying that I have not blogged in over a month and  need to get back on my shit because it is hard to keep bicoastal tabs on my whereabouts unless I'm blogging constantly. And I agree. I've been meaning to blog, I really have been, but I've been busy suffering from a severe bout of senioritis-1. Its called Senioritis-1 because I won't be graduating for another year, so my lazyness has gotten the best of me. I wish something exciting has been going on in my life, but it hasn't. 

In all the time I haven't been blogging, I've been working on my life plan because I am once again at my wits end with this sports journalism major. I can't go into too much detail about my business plan because someone could steal my idea, and then I'd be forced to kill somebody. To make a short story even shorter, I'm going to open up my own bookstore. So if anyone is looking for a job in 3 years come find me. 

My new life plan also includes a new pet. Once Mac dies, I want a Boston Terrier puppy named Jesus Shuttlesworth after Ray Allen's character in the hit Spike Lee Joint: He Got Game. Pardon the shameless plug but it is a good movie, and you should rent it if you have the chance. Before I decided on this puppy, I wanted to raise a white tiger cub. I did some light Wikipedia work to see what I could find out about white tigers. When I think of these tigers, I think of majestic creatures that look like this:

However, since white tigers are genetic mutants, they have to be inbred. Mothers and sons, fathers and daughters, or brothers and sisters have to be mated in order for this to happen. But check this shit out. Just like humans, incest causes all sorts of crazy things to happen. So some tigers are born with kitty downs syndrome, and wind up looking like little Luis Guzman tigers. A little something like this:

Now when I first came across this pictures, I literally laughed for hours on end. This tiger's misfortune shouldn't be this funny, but look at his face. I also found out that blue tigers also exist. Who knew?

Happy Birthday To Ya!

I love birthdays. I mean how could someone not love birthdays. I also believe in the zodiac, and I think the sign I am most comopatable with is a Pisces. The majority of my close friends are Pisces. But today, I'm am celebrating the birthday of my favorite Pisces, Ryan Harris of the Denver Broncos. He turns 25 today. And my obsession with him borders on unhealthy.  In the off chance he's mortal and Googles himself, and this post comes up, and he clicks on it, I just want to say: HAPPY  BIRTHDAY RYAN EMERSON WILCOX HARRIS! From your number one fan.

When I say that Ryan Harris is the most alluring, gorgoeus man I have ever laid eyes on, I'm not joking. I started holding people to the Ryan standard. Which worked out quite well until I figured out that the only person who can be Ryan Harris is Ryan Harris, and that's most likely why my ass was single.  I first fell in love with Ryan when I was 14 (almost 15)  years old. I was sittin up in my room one summer day watching MTV. There was a new episode of True Life on called True Life: I Want The Perfect Body. It was about people who desired to change themselves without getting plastic surgery. The other people in the episode were a blur. As a matter of fact, I can only remember the mousy girl who wanted to be a fitness model. But Ryan, who was a senior in high school had to gain like 30 pounds of healthy weight in order to start for Notre Dame in the fall. When you first see Ryan in the episode he's sitting in class on the last day of his senior year. He's wearing a blue shirt and glasses and he seems like the hot guy who doesn't know he's hot. God he's so adorable, which is the first thought I had about him. But that's not when I realized that his milkshake brought me and held me captive in the yard.

The next time we see him, its at a graduation party later that same night. This was that cosmic moment that I knew he was put on this earth was for me. He leaves the party early to go to, get this, Chipotle! Chipotle is my one and only vice. I once suffered from a mild addiction to Chipotle, but that's another story. Ryan proceeds to prove that he's not a dumb ass and breaks down his burrito by nutritional value. So not only does he look good, he knows his shit and his voice is downright magical. His voice sounds like Fergie had a baby with Jesus. Just kidding. He talks like Jahiem sings, to me anyway. So you would think he couldn't out fantastic himself, we join him again making his breakfast. He makes one bagel with cream cheese and then says "I'm gonna make another one. I didn't get this big by eating one of anything." Whoa. A self aware man?!? I can dig it. And then I picked out a wedding dress.

Now all of this is well and good. Cute guy, great body, but the episode got a lot deeper than that. The one thing that I absolutely loved was how humble Ryan was about his entire situation and his work ethic. He had a job AND was exercising like crazy, so when he showed up to camp he was at his optimum performance level. Like he was steadily gaining weight and speed, and then started losing weight. But he was so persistant. A very admirable quality. So hot.

Fast forward to 2007, when Ryan has played four fantastic football seasons, even though the last one was a "rebuilding" year, and is in the NFL draft. Still hot. Still driven,  officially a Bronco and unofficially the sexiest man in the NFL. This was quite devesting to me because I'm something of a Steelers fan, and I wanted him to be a Steeler so bad. Now understand the Bronco to be when I was growing up was John Elway. But there was something about him that I didn't like, so I was anti Bronco and pro Cowboy, like every one else  in the 90s. Did I mention he also graduated with a 3.6 gpa?

Thank God I wised up. It was quite apparent to me that the Steelers were going to play as shiteous as possible just to spite me, and I decided to switch teams. That's right! After Troy's knee got rocked, I became a lesbian. Just kidding. I decided to root for the Broncos. So I purchased two tickets to see the Broncos play the Eagles. I got seats right behind the visitors bench so if Knowshown Moreno farted, I'd know it. But then Ryan got hurt and I sold the tickets for two seats higher up. I don't even know if Ryan was even at that game.  I was with my uncle, and when were stuck in the exit gridlock, I told him "if I just run away, I have my phone and my debit card, I just saw Ryan". As I side note, I believe Freeway of State Property fame was in the parking lot selling "Fuck Dallas" Tshirts after the game. The things you'll do for love, right?

So here we are, eight years later and Ryan has accomplished quite a bit, and he should be very proud of himself. Call me! Seriously. And once again Happy Birthday. 


I have also decided that I want a Boston Terrier puppy named Jesus Shuttlesworth.

I Forgot How Hectic New York City Gets After A Snow Storm

I've only been away from the city for about two weeks, and I often forget how crazy things can get. I should have known how my Thursday night was going to wind up solely based on my train ride in.


My cousin/child Stephanie was heading downtown to her school to work on a project, and I decided I would go with her. Nothing out of the usual. Once the train went like 2 stops, we looked over to the left and saw a girl eating a ?sandwich? like it was a banana. Now if you have NEVER seen this, it is quite phenomenal thing. The chewing wasn't any better. She seemed to be chewing in tune to a song named "Welcome Home Kelli". Stephanie and I continued to shoot the shit about life, and the topic of names of our future children. Anyone who has said they never thought about the names of their future children is a lie in hell, but I digress. So there we were, exchanging baby name ideas, and this woman gives me an up down like no other, and I gave her an over dramatic but totally necessary killer look back. Apparently, this was hysterical to see me do, because Stephanie was laughing like she just saw Scarlet taking a tumble.



The night progressed swimmingly and we went to Stephanie's school so she could work on a project. I would like to shout out all the fashion students. Not only ois what they do very technical, its hard. At approximately 1:00 am EST, we left her campus to go home, and hopped in a cab. Now, it was not necessary to take a cab. We could have hopped on the train, and be home with time to spare by the time "dis shit right here" happened.
The driver pulled up behind her car and I used my debit card to pay the fare. It was approved, and I told him I didn't need a reciept. He told me, the "reciept looks funny" and for us to stay and wait for him to get confirmation that the fare was in fact paid. We waited. And waited. And waited. It was late and we got out the car. As I walked to the curb, the cab driver followed me and grabbed my arm and my purse. To make a long story less dramatic we were in the street fighting this man, the cops were called and my whole night went to shit. Did I mention it was only Thursday?


I thought that my Friday couldn't get any worse, and it didn't. But it came a little too close for my liking. The first thing I did was head to Chipotle because it is my crack. Then I went to INGLOT to purchase the new makeup I desperately needed. I purchased an eye shadow freedom system, which I am proud to say was a good investment. I can now fix my face to look extra fierce. I mosied my way from INGLOT and my only intention was to go see Percy Jackson, the ONLY thing I was looking forward to, and got heckled into buying a ticket to Dangerfield's. 


This was the night I found out that I truly hate Times Square. It's infested with hoodrats....and their kicks. Unfortunately, it took Ugg boots to make them appear less birdish. I let this slide because I was way too excited for my own good to see what I thought was going to be the best movie EVER. As usual, I was disappointed. Me, disappointed? Who knew. Whoever wrote the screenplay for The Lightning Thief definitely didn't plan to film a sequel. They left out the crucial part of the plot that strings them all together. I was so sad, I had to eat my feelings in sushi, and so at midnight, I made a trip to Planet Sushi to satisfy my craving. Speaking of sushi, my new favorite condiment is spicy mayo, which is weird because black people don't usually like mayonnaise. It takes my sushi high to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL. 


After that, my weekend got pretty lame. I spent the rest of it being a lazy house cat, no unlike my own cat. Somehow, I mustered up the energy to blog after a five day hiatus. Hopefully this week will be chock full o' tasty bits that make you feel better because you aren't living my life! 

Pre-Valentine's Day Thingy

Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and it's going to be just another day for me. That is unless Vicki invites me out to celebrate her big 22. I never realized how much emphasis is put on this holiday, until I went from single to taken and back to single. However, being with someone who can't give a good gift could be a deal breaker. Ideally, we are supposed to love people for who they are and I'm not saying I can be bought, but damn it, a fruit basket is NOT a good gift. V-Day 2009 was my first single one since my senior year of high school, and I must admit, that I had a blast. I learned that you don't necessarily need a significant other to enjoy this holiday of loorve.
Before Raul, my cousin/child Stephanie spent every waking moment with me because I was around. We ran some errands by our house, and bought some flowers to bring to Stephanie's grandma. Stephanie bought a violet, as her grandmas name is Violet. I bought myself a peach rose, that I wound up giving to Grams because I didn't feel like carrying it with me. But we eventually made our way into the city, so we could eat dinner at Ruby Foo's, a sushi place. Now I must inform you that Stephanie gets rull, rull frustrated when we go someplace that people know about. A typical response to asking her to go for a cup of coffee is usually "You know this isn't good coffee right? The next time we go for coffee, I'll take you to the left nook of the Grand Canyon to this undiscovered Indian reservation, with the best coffee!". That is an exaggeration, but barely.  Ruby Foo's was super crowded. Everyone in the restaurant was all boo'd up and we couldn't resist throwing shade to all the girls who had cute dates. Not to mention that there was an impeccable Asian couple next to us catching a Love Jones. [Editors Note: If there was an Asian family like the Kardashians, I want to be reborn into that mess] I give a huge amount of credit to the person who made the playlist. We were rocking out, and being our usual soulful selves and then the song that is tentatively my wedding song came on. I would say what it is, but it's a closely guarded secret. So this year, I have a decent date lined up with myself. Dinner and a movie, you know regular stuff, because I am a basic and regular girl. Nobody is salt and peppering my mango just yet, so I'm just going to love on myself. But I refuse to give myself a hug like at the end of the Mo'Nique show.
Thanks to this wonderful snogasm outside, the delivery of my shoes has been delayed. I really wanted to wear them on Friday and Valentine's Day, but an open toe pump in the middle of a blizzard is completely absurd, unless you are Amber Rose or Posh Spice. In my attempt to pull myself together, I have decided that when the warm weather comes, I will wear heels everyday. But not like little kitten heels, I want to appear to be a good 4 inches taller than I really am. Then again I don't know why I'm pulling out all the stops on myself. After all, it is just another day.